2012 Movie TV Teaser Trailer Micro-Review

2012

For context, you might want to read Want a Little Doom for Supper? first.

Give me some DOOM!

As scheduled, the extra-special 2012 teaser trailer appeared on the TV. Mildly excited, I flicked between the channels in the hope of catching a glimpse of what lies in store for November cinema screens. I tried to keep up the typing in real time… alas, it was too hard, the doom was moving too fast for my fingers, but this is what I remember…

We start off with John Cusack’s panic-stricken face warning his family on the phone while driving a stretch limo (stretch limo?) through LA streets, “When they tell you not to panic, that’s when you RUN!!!” Poetry.

Then a scene that can only be described as hilarious silly gratuitous insane the most over-powering CGI I have ever had the pleasure of seeing.

It was basically the Planes, Trains and Automobiles version of doomsday. Just without the trains. Add a crying child.

High-speed car sequences, palm trees snapping, ground cracking, houses folding… ooh look out for the obligatory exploding petrol tanker!!!! [extra !!! for effect] Then, buildings fall to the ground, people dying everywhere… but Cusack, plus brood, fly through the surprisingly uncongested LA streets at hyperspeed! Oh crap! Look out for the– PHEW! The car jumped through (jumped through!!) a disintegrating building (disintegrating building!!!), popping out the other end unscathed.

There’s more!

The Huge Massive CrackTM advances through California, with Cusack and co.’s car always in front of the impending doom that’s unfolding behind them.

Oh! There’s a plane! We’re now on an airfield… it’s okay, the family have an escape route! They fly off, Huge Massive CrackTM ripping through the asphalt as the pilot accelerates into the air. Buildings crashing down, toppling sideways (sideways!!!), crying child looks out the window, people are being squashed by cars down there!! That’s not for young eyes goddammit! They keep flying– NOOO!! More collapsing buildings!! Fly under them!!! YESSS!!! That pilot just flew UNDER a sideways collapsing building. Los Angeles is toast, looks more like the Grand Canyon than a city.

I’m tired… that was intense. Totally silly, too. Did it make me want to see the movie more? Not really, looks like it’s going to be very basic disaster pr0n, as predicted, with a very loose plot. Ah well.

Disclaimer: This in no way, shape or form indicates that I now think something is going to happen in 2012. All of the above is based on a trailer for a movie. A movie people! The theories about doomsday in 2012 are still nonsense. If you don’t believe me, have a read.

Image: Still from the awesome 2012 parody video 2012: It’s a Disaster!!! by Garrison Dean (io9)

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47 responses to “2012 Movie TV Teaser Trailer Micro-Review

  1. So you believe the world is going to end now??? I certainly do. You forgot about the mass suicide in the beginning of the trailer.

  2. Alls I can say is, JESUS H. CHRIST.I was just angry I invested my 2 mins into that monstrosity of a trailer (I saw it the other night on tv too). Let's not even _get_ into the physics that annoyed me. I would like the trailer movie voice to have said, “EVEN JESUS CAN'T SAVE YOU NOW.” or”IN 2012, EVERYBODY GETS A TASTE.”I mean, it's like someone was having dirty, wet vacation sex but with a movie. Gag.And the only thing that's _not_ a surprise about that movie is that John Cusack is involved in the end of the world.

  3. Maybe they should have done the prequel thing and called it “WATERWORLD BEGINS” instead. They could have just cast Kevin Costner as the hero. With a budget of 260 Million I hope their ad campaign or 4 Million will inspire at least a 100 million people to wonder into theater or this will end up being another financial “Disaster” movie instead. I am guessing if this film is anything like his last ones you might show up an hour into the film and catch all of the cool FX in the last hour. Because the first hour will feel like a long trip on a greyhound bus. There is a another film coming out at the same time called DEFCON 2012 with a sci-fi storyline which sounds more interesting to me.

  4. Hahaha – after reading this must say I've got to watch it… at least once. Probably not a great film, or maybe not even a good one, but still, could happily wile away an hour or two. I'm trying to review my whole DVD collection that has amassed over time… no easy feat, at least one a day. Have a click http://dvdhoarder.wordpress.com/Leave a comment or 2 on your views of the films / any tips on reviewing if you like?Happy film watching

  5. Pingback: How are Black Holes Used in the Movies? | Astroengine.com

  6. 2012 is seriously an amazing movie to watch.. A question that arises immediately about 2012 , is that would it really happen, well i say dunno. But one should always be ready to face the challenge. For the first time in our life we shall face the biggest challenge with natural calamities. Im dying to experience it whole heatedly.

  7. Well, 2012 is a tough one for me — I sort of believe some of the projections but now that we're getting closer to it, I'm talking myself out of 'em!

  8. This is an awesome review for an awesome movie. I would not mind watching movies like these over and over even more than 10 times Lol I love its story line. It is simple and very entertaining! read more movie reviews in my site – http://MoviesAllTime.Com

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